Everyday situations
How to talk to a roommate who does not clean
Set up a conversation instead of unloading everything over a pile of dirty dishes. Describe what bothers you and propose a simple system, such as a cleaning rota, rather than expecting them to guess. Use one conversation for one issue, and keep bills for another one if they are a problem too.
How to handle this conversation
Pick a calm moment
Not when the sink is full. Say ahead of time: “Do you have fifteen minutes tonight? I want to talk about how we split the cleaning.”
Talk about yourself, not about them
“I find it hard to cook when there are dishes from several days in the kitchen” works better than “you always leave a mess.”
Propose a system
A general “let us clean more” does not work. Better: “Let us make a rota: one week you do the kitchen and I do the bathroom, then we swap.”
Agree on a check-in
To finish: “Let us check in two weeks whether the rota works.” That way you do not come back to it in anger.
I talk to my roommate about cleaning
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Duration
- 5-8 minutes
The situation
You have shared a flat with one person for six months. For a few weeks dishes have sat in the sink for days, only one of you cleans the bathroom, and the last electricity bill was paid late. You get on well, so you want the conversation not to turn into a fight.
Who you talk to
Your roommate
Likeable and busy, does not see the problem as clearly. Admits in general that they “let things slide,” promises to improve without specifics and brings up small things that bother them.
The counterpart also has private goals and information that are never shown upfront. You discover them only through the conversation, the same way you would in real life.
What makes it hard
- Your roommate brushes it off with a joke and a vague promise.
- They point to small things that bother them.
- The conversation spills over into bills and older issues.
Your goals
- Name the problem without accusing
- Agree on a specific split of chores
- Set a time to check whether the agreement works
What the report looks at
- Whether you speak about your needs rather than their character
- Whether you make a specific proposal for splitting chores
- How you respond to counter-complaints
- Whether the conversation stays on one topic and ends with an agreement