Relationships
How to talk to your partner about moving to another city
Present the offer as something to decide together, not a finished plan. Ask what your partner would lose and what worries them, and treat that as part of the decision, not an obstacle. Finish by agreeing what else you need to know and when you will decide.
How to handle this conversation
Present the offer, not a decision
For example: “I got an offer in another city and I want us to decide together. I have not signed anything yet.”
Ask what your partner would leave behind
Work, friends, parents, favorite places. Asking “What would be hardest for you?” shows that their life counts too.
Look for options
Moving now, a trial period, remote work part of the week, coming back in a year. It is rarely just yes or no.
Agree on a decision date
The company is waiting, so say it plainly: “I need to answer by the end of the month. What do we need to know to decide?”
I talk to my partner about moving
- Difficulty
- Medium to hard
- Duration
- 10-15 minutes
The situation
After a long search you get an offer for your dream job, but in a city several hundred kilometers away. Your partner has a steady job here, friends and parents who increasingly need help. The company gives you three weeks to decide. In the evening you sit down to talk about it.
Who you talk to
Your partner
Happy for your success but frightened by the idea of leaving everything. First goes quiet, then asks why they are the one who has to adapt, and brings up their parents.
The counterpart also has private goals and information that are never shown upfront. You discover them only through the conversation, the same way you would in real life.
What makes it hard
- Your partner hears the offer as a decision already made.
- They ask why they should be the one to give up their life.
- They bring up their parents and duties that no argument can brush aside.
Your goals
- Present the offer as a shared decision
- Understand what your partner would find the biggest loss and worry
- Agree on options to explore and a decision date
What the report looks at
- Whether you talked about the offer openly, without hiding the deadline
- Whether you asked about your partner’s worries instead of arguing them away
- Whether options other than yes or no came up
- Whether the conversation ended with a plan for next steps