Family
How to talk to a teenager
Talk alongside them rather than across a table: in the car, while cooking or on a walk. Ask about their world before you bring up your concern, and listen more than you speak. Short, respectful conversations often do more than one big talk.
How to handle this conversation
Start with their interests
Ask about something they care about before your own topic. “What are you watching at the moment?” can open a door that “how was school?” keeps closed.
Ask open questions
Questions that can be answered with “yes” or “fine” usually are. Try: “What was the best and the worst part of your week?”
Listen without fixing
If they share a problem, resist giving advice straight away. “That sounds annoying. What do you think you will do?” shows respect for their judgement.
Keep it short
End before it turns into a lecture. A good ten-minute conversation makes the next one easier.
I want to talk to my teenager
- Difficulty
- Medium
- Duration
- 8-12 minutes
The situation
Your fifteen-year-old spends most evenings in their room. Their grades have slipped a little and they seem tired. Every attempt to talk ends with “fine” or “I don't know.” Tonight you are driving them home from practice and want to have a real conversation without it feeling like an interrogation.
Who you talk to
Your fifteen-year-old
Not unfriendly, just guarded. They answer in single words and roll their eyes at anything that sounds like a lecture, but they open up when they feel taken seriously.
The counterpart also has private goals and information that are never shown upfront. You discover them only through the conversation, the same way you would in real life.
What makes it hard
- One-word answers make it hard to keep the conversation going.
- Any hint of criticism ends the conversation immediately.
- They test whether you really listen or are just waiting to give advice.
Your goals
- Start a conversation that does not feel like an interrogation
- Learn something real about how they are doing
- Keep the door open for the next conversation
What the report looks at
- Whether your questions invited more than one-word answers
- How much you listened compared to how much you talked
- How you reacted to eye rolls and short answers
- Whether you avoided turning the conversation into a lecture