Family
How to tell your kids about divorce
If you can, tell your child together with the other parent, in simple words and at a calm time. Say clearly that the decision is between the adults and that it is not the child's fault. Focus on what stays the same and what will change in their everyday life, and let them ask questions for as long as they need.
How to handle this conversation
Say it simply and truthfully
Children do not need adult reasons, they need a clear picture. Try: “Mom and Dad have decided not to live together any more. We both love you and that will never change.”
Answer “is it because of me?” directly
Many children wonder this even if they do not ask. Say it anyway: “This is not because of anything you did or said. It is a grown-up decision.”
Talk about everyday life
Where they will sleep, which school they will go to, when they will see each parent. Concrete answers help more than reassurance in general terms.
Leave room for more questions
The first conversation is rarely the only one. End with: “You can ask me anything about this, today or any other day.”
I am telling my child about the divorce
- Difficulty
- Hard
- Duration
- 8-12 minutes
The situation
You and your partner have decided to separate. Your nine-year-old has noticed tension at home but does not know about the decision. You sit down together on a quiet Saturday morning. You want your child to hear the news from you, in words they can understand, and to feel safe afterwards.
Who you talk to
Your nine-year-old child
Sensitive and observant. They go quiet at first, then ask whether it happened because of them and worry about practical things like their room and their friends.
The counterpart also has private goals and information that are never shown upfront. You discover them only through the conversation, the same way you would in real life.
What makes it hard
- “Is it because of me?” comes suddenly and needs a clear answer.
- Long silences make it hard to know what your child is feeling.
- Questions about daily life come before you have all the answers.
Your goals
- Explain the decision in simple, honest words
- Make it clear that it is not the child's fault
- Answer practical questions and leave room for more
What the report looks at
- Whether the language matched a nine-year-old
- How you answered the question about whose fault it is
- Whether you gave concrete answers about everyday life
- Whether the conversation ended with an invitation to ask more