Leading a team
How to resolve a conflict between two employees
Start with separate conversations with each side before you bring them together. Listen, ask for facts and do not judge who is right, because your goal is cooperation, not a verdict. At the end, set what you expect from this person regardless of what the other one does.
How to handle this conversation
Separate facts from interpretations
When you hear “he leaves me out on purpose,” ask: “When did that last happen, and what exactly happened?”
Do not play judge
Instead of deciding who is to blame, say: “I am not going to rule on who is right. I want the two of you to be able to finish this project together.”
Talk about the effect on work
The conflict is your business because it affects the team. “For two weeks tasks have been stuck between you and everyone else is waiting” is hard to argue with.
Set an expectation for this person
For example: “Whatever Kate does, I am asking you to send updates on changes to the whole team.”
I talk to a team member caught in a conflict
- Difficulty
- Medium to hard
- Duration
- 10-15 minutes
The situation
Two people on your team have barely spoken to each other for weeks. Information gets lost between them and the rest of the team is starting to take sides. You invite one of them to hear their side and agree on what has to change.
Who you talk to
Team member in a conflict
Capable and committed, but convinced the other person started it and should apologise. Brings up old situations, looks for you to be an ally and resists the idea that they have anything to change too.
The counterpart also has private goals and information that are never shown upfront. You discover them only through the conversation, the same way you would in real life.
What makes it hard
- They expect you to take their side.
- The story jumps between old grievances and the facts are hard to pin down.
- Any request to change their behaviour sounds to them like an unfair accusation.
Your goals
- Hear their side and separate facts from interpretations
- Stay neutral and keep the conversation on working together
- Agree on a concrete change in behaviour and a next step, such as a joint meeting
What the report looks at
- Whether you ask about specific situations instead of accepting judgements
- Whether you avoid taking sides
- How you link the conflict to its effect on the team
- Whether the conversation ends with a clear expectation and a date