Leading a team
How to manage former peers after a promotion
Do not pretend nothing has changed, and do not start by showing who decides now. Name the change, acknowledge the other person’s disappointment and say what matters to you in working together. Be clear about what stays the same between you and what has to change.
How to handle this conversation
Name the situation directly
“I know you applied for this role too, and I know this may be hard for you. I want to talk about it openly.”
Do not apologise for the promotion
“I feel awkward that it was me” weakens your role. Better: “I want us to work well together, and I want to know what you need.”
Offer a real role
An experienced person can take over an important area. For example: “I want you to lead the onboarding of the new client. You know them best.”
Set new boundaries
For example: “Outside work nothing changes between us. When it comes to reviews and project decisions, though, I have to treat everyone the same.”
I talk to a colleague who also wanted the promotion
- Difficulty
- Hard
- Duration
- 10-15 minutes
The situation
After a few years on the team you are promoted and now lead people who were your desk neighbours until recently. Shared lunches and complaining about the boss are still a fresh memory. One of them also applied for the role and has been cool since the decision was announced. You set up a conversation with her.
Who you talk to
Colleague on your team
Experienced and ambitious, disappointed by the decision. Makes pointed remarks, hints that the promotion came down to connections and tests whether she can still count on old privileges in the team.
The counterpart also has private goals and information that are never shown upfront. You discover them only through the conversation, the same way you would in real life.
What makes it hard
- She suggests the promotion was not deserved.
- She appeals to your old friendship to get special treatment.
- Disappointment mixes with doubt about whether she wants to stay on the team.
Your goals
- Name the change in your relationship openly and acknowledge her disappointment
- Offer her a real, meaningful role
- Agree on how you will work together without favouritism
What the report looks at
- Whether you talk about the situation directly instead of avoiding it
- How you respond to pointed remarks and doubts about your promotion
- Whether you stay impartial despite the old relationship
- Whether the conversation ends with a concrete agreement